Someone to Talk To
by iwannagibbs
Summary: Just a short little Gibbs thing set after Diane made her big declaration in the basement last season.


This has been on my computer for a looong time and I finally decided to put it out there. Hope you like it.

**Someone To Talk To**

A telephone rings in an office in Alexandria Virginia.

"Hello, Jethro. It's been a while. How are you?"

"Do you miss the days before caller ID? When a ringing phone held the promise of a small mystery and maybe a nice surprise."

"It's still a mystery and a nice surprise when I see your name."

"I need to see you. Got any time tonight?"

"I'll be free after 8:00. Would you like to meet somewhere else or come here?"

"I'll come there. Can I bring dinner?"

"Yes. Anything but Chinese. Had it for lunch."

"Italian it is. See you at eight."

NCIS Special Agent Jethro Gibbs arrived on time as usual and made himself at home in the office. Wine was poured and lasagna portioned out on plates his longtime friend and sometimes counselor provided.

"It's been a long time Jethro. Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

"Then why are you here?"

"I miss you?"

"That sounded more like a question. I do miss you though."

She didn't ask again. She knew he'd tell her when he was ready. But if she doesn't ask the first time he sometimes used that as an excuse to not talk about whatever demon or dark experience had brought him to her.

When they were finished eating, she leaned back on the couch to enjoy her wine. Jethro cleared away the plates and threw away the takeout containers. He paced around the room for a while and finally settled with his back to her looking out the window. The view from there across the Potomac River to National Harbor was spectacular on a clear night like tonight.

In a quiet, almost soft voice he began. She's used to this and knows to listen carefully lest she miss something he will be loathe to repeat.

"Had a case this week that involved Diane."

"Is she alright?"

"What do you mean?"

"Your cases often involve dead bodies. That's why I asked."

"Oh. She's alright. Her husband was missing. We found him. She came to see me last night. At home. She gave me back my grandfather's railroad watch. Said she didn't think I ever loved her. Said the only woman I ever loved was Shannon."

He stopped and took a drink of his wine. She waited. She knew he wasn't finished and she thought maybe she might need to say something. After another short wait she decided to go ahead.

"I'm glad about the watch. I know it was important to you. What do you think about what she said?"

"I think I loved her. At least I tried to."

"If I remember correctly you and Diane have often had that same discussion in the past. I don't think that's why you're here, Jethro."

She saw him take a deep breath and heard him sigh. He drank some more wine and she waited again. He turned to face her and the look on his face broke her heart.

"She said I was her Shannon."

She heard the raw emotion in his voice and saw it on his face. Clearly, he had been thinking about this and was distressed by its implications. She knew they were on unfamiliar ground now. Very rarely had she see such unchecked emotion from Jethro.

"Oh wow."

"Wow? That's not very professional. "

"I don't know what else to say."

Jethro turned back to the window. Absently he reached up and touched his cheek.

"Yeah, I know. She put her hand on my face and said, 'you were my Shannon.' Then she just walked out. I was too stunned to say anything. I just stood there holding the watch."

Most of the time it's best to leave Jethro alone in times like these but she'd never heard him like he was tonight. A certain sadness and regret was very evident in his voice. Instead of staying on the couch she got up and went to him. Standing beside him she put her hand on his back and immediately Jethro turned and embraced her. He held onto her and let her comfort him; something he had done only a couple of times in the years she'd known him.

Several minutes later Jethro stepped back and she let her hands slide down his arms to hold his hands.

"Come sit down and let's talk about what that means to you."

They settled on the couch, Jethro with his legs stretched out and his head back on the soft leather cushion.

"Talk to me, Jethro. That's why you came after all. Don't try and understand it or filter it, just talk."

Jethro closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of her hand running up and down his arm. This was their technique; she gave him some physical contact to ground him and he just started talking. It was like turning on a faucet; he didn't think about what he was saying he just let his thoughts flow.

"I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I'd been willing to try harder. She had Emily with Tobias; we could have had kids together. I keep thinking about how much I loved Shannon and it's hard for me to accept that Diane loved me like that. It makes me feel like such a bastard. I didn't treat her very well a lot of the time. To think she loved me in that way and I didn't see it. Makes me wonder if Shannon knew how much I loved her. I was just so shocked when she said that all I could do was stand there and watch her walk away. Over the years I've come to accept that I was a bastard to all three of my ex's; that I hurt them, but I never thought much about them actually loving me. Frankly, it didn't feel like they did by the time it was over."

When he stopped talking she waited. She wanted to be sure he was finished; at least for the moment, before she commented. These were emotions and thoughts they had not explored before. At least most of them were. The idea that he was a bastard had been discussed many times. When she was sure he was ready for her to say something she did so.

"I suspect Diane is the exception but at the time she didn't give you the idea she loved you as she now says she did. I would guess that was an attempt at the time, to protect herself from the hurt you were causing each other. As to Shannon, I feel sure she knew very well how much you loved her. You were able to tell her and show her; you weren't protecting yourself with her. Don't waste time questioning your life with Shannon. Maybe you'd be better served to wonder about why you don't understand how Diane could have loved you so fiercely."

"It scares me to think about her loving me like that because we didn't work. Does that mean Shannon and I wouldn't have worked? Do you see what I mean?"

"Yes, I see what you mean. But you must remember Jethro, it takes two to make a marriage work. You and Shannon were working because you were both in love. You and Diane didn't work because you were not in love with her. You may have cared deeply for her; I believe you did, but you were not totally in love with her as you were with Shannon. You were hardened by then. You had seen war and death, killed and almost been killed yourself. You were not that idealistic young man Shannon met at the train station. You were not willing to change for Diane. That's the difference. And, you are not responsible for how she felt about you."

"Then why do I feel so rotten about what she said?"

"You tell me."

Jethro turned his head slightly and looked at her through barely open eyes.

"Not fair," he said as he settled back in the cushion. "Okay, partly because I don't like thinking I so totally misread her."

"What else?"

"I felt like I was hurting her all over again. I can't explain it really. It was just such a shock and after she left it hurt all over again like it did when we finally gave up."

They sat in comfortable silence for a long time. It was getting late and she had an early day tomorrow but she would stay as long as Jethro needed her to. He hadn't called her in a couple of months and tonight had been pretty intense for both of them. She didn't want to rush him. Besides, she liked sitting with Jethro. He was one of her favorite people and they didn't see as much of each other lately as she would have liked. Their meetings were always up to him and she accepted the limits, unspoken though they were, that he put on their relationship.

Finally, Jethro sat up and turned to look at her. He reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear then let his hand rest on her cheek. She just looked at him and waited.

"I should go. It's late and I bet you have to be back here early tomorrow. Right?"

"Yes. But we can stay until you're finished."

"I'm finished. I don't know what else to say I just needed to tell you about Diane. I know I have to figure out how I feel about it and go on. There's really nothing to be done anyway. It was just so unexpected it threw me and I needed to talk to you about it."

"I'm glad you did, Jethro. Let me know how you're doing okay?"

"I will but you know, no news is good news where I'm concerned."

"Not necessarily."

He leaned in and kissed her and she resisted the desire that he always produced in her. She kissed him back but didn't let it go anywhere near where she would have liked.

"Thanks for being here tonight. Come on I'll walk you to your car."

She gathered her bag and her jacket and turned off the desk lamp. As they approached the door Jethro reached to open it but stopped with his hand on the knob. He turned and looked at her with a serious look on his face.

"Do you think there is another person out there who could love me like Shannon did? You know, just for me, who I really am. Bastard and all."

She had to take a moment to be sure she answered correctly. For his sake but also for hers.

"I guarantee there is. And are you ready to love someone else, not like you did Shannon because that would be impossible now, but love someone for who they are. And maybe more importantly, are you ready to let someone love you? "

"Some days I think I want that. I want someone to be there when I get home. Someone to wake up with, someone to hold hands with and fight and make up with. Honestly, I want to be with someone but I'm not sure I'm ready."

Again she took a moment. She covered his hand, still on the doorknob, and looked into the blue eyes that had been her undoing the first time she met Jethro. This man knew her almost as well as she knew him and she wanted him to get the message.

"When you are, call me."

"Count on it."

END


End file.
